On Monday I leave for Spain to begin the Camino de Santiago,
a pilgrimage through northern Spain that has seen pilgrims walk its’ paths for
nearly a millennium.
Let that one sink in for a minute. I’m still trying to wrap my brain around it,
to be honest.
First, the logistics: I’ll be walking from Pamplona to
Santiago de Compostella, to the tomb of St. James the Great, some 450 miles
(give or take), by myself, staying primarily in pilgrim hostels, attending
masses as often as possible in the ancient churches along the route –
culminating in a pilgrim’s mass at the cathedral at Santiago on or around
October 21st.
So that’s all well and good, but it’s the reasons that are
important. I’m going to Spain to reflect
on the changes in my life since January – this year I’ve faced some challenging
questions about what role faith needs to play in my life, I’ve seen the sudden
end of my long-term relationship which I believed would lead to marriage, I’ve
returned to living a simple, nomadic lifestyle after believing that part of my
life was finished, I’ve stepped into new and exciting roles and
responsibilities at work and seen my relationships and commitment there deepen
in ways I never expected.
I’m also going to Spain to ask some difficult questions of
myself and God: to enter a time of discernment.
I want to pray and think deeply on a couple of things – how to live my
life under the values I feel are so important to the community we create at
work; how to continue to escape my old patterns in unhealthy relationships and
grow the ones that are valuable, deep, and meaningful; how to take the passion
and faith I have toward God into whatever future directions my life will
take.
How to let go, listen to my heart, and follow God’s guidance
toward a joyful existence.
This summer I’ve experienced all the best that work has had
to offer, I’ve seen how the community we create in our program mirrors the
communities I want to live in and be a part of in my faith and personal life,
and how valuable relationships with colleagues can become when you trust and
are trusted.
This summer I’ve experienced what it means to be on my own
and trust my abilities, energy, and instincts toward health and wellness
without having a finite ‘end point’ in mind.
This summer I’ve focused on practicing gratitude toward what
I do have rather than what I don’t, and I’ve begun to learn that I work best
when I have so little that there is ample room for joy to fill the space.
I pray that on pilgrimage I will have the time and space to
listen closely to whatever messages God wants me to hear, to find Christ in all
the people I meet, to lean into the discomfort and take joy from overcoming the
difficult moments, to allow myself space to laugh and love
unconditionally. I pray that I will be
‘ruined for life’ in my relationship with God and come to understand how to
bring that more fully into the world.
